I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize