i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
