i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
