im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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