While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
