I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
