I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
