My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize