He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
