Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
