I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We are all done wearing pants today
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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