My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
