My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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