Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
