I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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