I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
