And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
