the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's shark week go big or go home
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
