And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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