Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Are these your boobs on my camera?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
