ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
