She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
