It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
