Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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