My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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