I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Welp...herpes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
