So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
