her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
