i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
