Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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