Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
