Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
