3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
