i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Terrible idea I love it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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