Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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