imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
