Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
