see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
