I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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