Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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