Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
