If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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