He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
