Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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