im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
