Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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