Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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