They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
