We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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