You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my poor anus
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
