Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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