He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
