break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
