And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
