I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize