i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize