We won't sleep together?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
