I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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