Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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