I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a drive thru vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
