Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
