i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize