her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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