Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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