Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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