That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
