ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
