i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
