Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize