I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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